A Message from a Graduate Years Ago

 

I.

Unlike Reycel Hyacenth Bendana (Ateneo Class 2019 Valedictorian) and Helbert Paat (UPLB 2019 Summa Cum Laude) who gave messages in their graduation speeches about poverty and their stories about how they struggled coming from poor families - please allow me to share a bit of my story that is very different from theirs.

1. I come from a prominent family. I wouldn’t describe my family as filthy rich, for we are no Lucio Tan, Henry Sy or Roberto Gokongwei - but rather and more appropriately, “financially stable” having inherited from my grandfather the oldest and largest bookstore (presently with 4 branches) in our homeprovince. This became our bread and butter and has allowed us to enjoy a little bit more in life compared to the likes of Reycel and Helbert.
2. I graduated Class Valedictorian in highschool and Cum Laude in B.A. Psychology in UP Diliman. Afterwhich I finished law in the same university.
3. I have a car that allows me to enjoy the comforts of not commuting in Metro Manila. We have “kasambahays" who cook and wash our dishes and do other household chores. We also have a driver so as not to experience being tired most of the time especially when you are stuck in traffic or have long travels.

II.

Yes, my life is the complete opposite of Reycel and Helbert’s. Almost everything was given to me on a silver platter. But as poverty oftentimes closes opportunities, my situation has closed doors as well.

1. Coming from a prominent family and owning a huge bookstore allowed me to acquire as much as possible material and financial resources. But I never learned in childhood the hardwork our employees, my mother and my father have to go through - so that we can pay loans from the bank, pay our suppliers and pay salaries and our bills, among others. I only realized how hard this was when I was already co-managing our business in my 20’s. I also felt that we were unreachable to some people in the province who had lower means than ours since they judged us as a typical unreachable family because we had more in life.
2. Graduating Class Valedictorian in highschool and cum laude in college were something I chose to achieve and wanted badly, but as I worked my ass off to achieve such goals academically, I had lacked the experience of having more meaningful relationships. I even missed the most important point - that is to have a meaningful relationship with our Jesus Christ, where I believe if I only had that early in childhood, all other good things would have followed.
3. Having a car is a necessity but I never learned to commute and always depended on the driver every time it conked out. I was too sheltered and over-protected because we had employees who did almost everything for us. Which is why when our “kasambay" got ill for 2 weeks recently, I had a hard time adjusting to washing the dishes, cleaning my room and doing other household chores on my own. I had terrible back aches and easily got tired - because I am not used to it.

III.

Be that as it may, I have my highschool barkada who accept me for what I am, including my flaws. I have two bestfriends - Jovi and Joyce who are always there for me and will sacrifice their time and effort especially at times when no one else understands me anymore and I am most difficult to love. I have serious health issues but God allowed me to be supported by loving and caring friends and relatives and most especially my family.

When I got older and became mature, I tried to reconcile with some of the people I have hurt. Some of them did not accept me anymore but I always remember and pray for them.

I am also relieved that all the mistakes that I made in life happened before I became old. Imagine if I only realized these mistakes when I am already old - it will be too late and most probably I will be incorrigible by then, and life would really be unhappy and miserable for me.

Because of my life experiences, I also became more understanding, forgiving, non-judgemental and open-minded especially for people who are misunderstood and have personality problems. I became an “includer” and not a mean “excluder”.

I am blessed to have known God and how He works in my life in my early 30’s. Though I am a work in progress when it comes to my faith especially at times that I doubt and hate God, and blame Him when bad things happen to me - I talk to Him and ask for grace to understand Him and to guide me in everything that I do. Despite my frailties and limitations, I have such a blessed life for I am surrounded with love by friends (old and new) - a love that changed me for the better.

IV.

So what is my ultimate point? We cannot change the cards we are dealt with. However, no matter how ugly our combination of cards are as oppose to someone who is dealt with excellent ones, we can still win the proverbial poker. It is just a matter of how we play and the choices that we make in the game.

I am reading the book “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck” by Mark Manson and one of the highlights in his book is that many things that we are dealt with are not our fault - such as being born to a prominent family and graduating on top of class that shape our personalities (which sadly can be unlikeable). However it is our responsibility how to respond to it. It is our responsibility to make the choice - the right choice to change our lives and allowing the unpleasant experiences to jolt our minds so we may head to the right direction in our lives.